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I Turned My Toilet Into a Bidet and I'll Never Use Toilet Paper Again

Cosmopolitan.com 2020-06-30 05:51:00

Who knew toilet paper would be such a commodity in 2020? Did anyone ever think they would be comparing their stash with peers or witness a bidding war on eBay for a few rolls of double-ply? Anyone else surprised to be proud of the size of their TP pyramid? Shyly raises hand.

A few weeks into self-isolation, when flushing TP began to feel like flushing diamonds, I considered rationing my stock. Two sheets for number 1 was doable but how low could I go for number 2? The thought of being stranded on the toilet, surrounded by white towels, with nothing but thin, gluey scraps left while every store depleted their stock sent me into a spiral. I even started to resent my boyfriend, who bragged about his three-sheets a day usage (he says he's good at "folding" it).


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A week later, my TP stash two rolls smaller, I "emptied my tank" in the bathroom of a friend for whom we were plant-sitting. I searched for their toilet paper but there wasn't a roll in sight. Instead, they had a TUSHY bidet. After a good shake and drip dry, I stood curiously to the side of the toilet, turned the nob, and a high-pressure stream shot onto the wall like a fountain. Nice water pressure, I thought. I used the only towel in the bathroom to dry the dripping wall and my hands. Once I left the apartment and reflected on the experience I realized that towel was for drying other parts. Ewww.

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I started to wonder what it must be like to live without toilet paper. Was the cleanup faster and better? Did it save a significant amount of money? It certainly would decrease single household waste. Having a bidet sounds sophisticated too—so European. I decided that with all the time I’d be spending at home it would be worth it.

I ordered the TUSHY classic, the original model without temperature control. TUSHY assures customers that almost every toilet is compatible with their classic model, which comes with easy-to-follow instructions and a link to a video tutorial. The installation was easy. I started putting it together after ordering Domino’s and the bidet was securely fitted to the toilet before the pizza arrived. I didn’t even need an assist from my handyman, Mr. Three-Sheets.

The next morning, having never been so excited to use the bathroom, I took the TUSHY for a whirl. First, I did my thang, then I turned the dial to start the stream. The water (which comes from fresh the toilet tank, not the bowl) shoots out from a nozzle on the back of the toilet, just under the seat. Its natural aim is quite true, but I shifted a bit to hit the target. The water pressure is controlled by the dial so for maximum cleanliness, I turned it all the way to the right. I let the wave wash over me for a few seconds before I dried off with TP.

The high-pressure stream exceeded my cleansing expectations and left me, and my undercarriage, feeling more refreshed and clean than toilet paper ever has. I still used old fashioned TP to dry, but significantly less than I would have without the TUSHY.

A week later and a few TP rolls saved, I wanted to ditch the toilet paper completely. I added another TUSHY product to my bathroom: the Bamboo Bidet Towels. The washcloth-sized towels are used to dab your parts dry after a thorough rinse. The bamboo is naturally antibacterial and much softer than my body towels. Now my lower half basically gets a refreshing shower several times a day.

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After using TUSHY for about a month, I have yet to change the toilet paper roll. In trying to minimize my household toilet paper use, I’m eliminating the need to constantly replenish something that gets flushed down the toilet. My downstairs feels cleaner and happier. I’ll still keep a few rolls handy for guests, and *clearly designated towels*, but everyone's welcome to use my TUSHY.

Katie Buckleitner Associate Digital Art Director Katie is the Associate Digital Art Director for Cosmopolitan.

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